I stumbled across a link on Facebook titled “8 Reasons to Date a Trans Guy” on a website called pride.com. I clicked on the link and noticed that the author appears to be a trans guy. Sweet! “Maybe this will be on point…” I thought to myself as I scrolled over the article.
I can summarize the reasons as follows:
We are sensitive to your menstrual issues. We also care a lot about how we look. We are able to satisfy any woman sexually because we use strap-ons. We are tidy in the bathroom. We “get” you. We dress well. We look hot because we have female genetics and testosterone at the same time. Being trans means we “know” ourselves.
What. A. Load. Of. Horse. Shit.
Let’s start with the problems from the beginning. First, this article starts with “Yes, trans men are men. We aren’t that different from cis men.” I beg to differ with the second sentence– I’m pretty sure most folks I know would say I am a lot different than a cis guy for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with what I have going on below the belt. I know a lot of trans guys who characterize themselves like “other guys,” but I know a lot that don’t. The author doesn’t say that his article is just based on his experience, but instead makes statements that sound like he’s talking about all trans guys equally.
Second and equally problematic is that the author assumes that trans men are dating women. Many, many, many trans men do not date women. That automatically negates the “toilet seat up,” “we get you,” and “we understand PMS” points, not to mention it just makes the author look really naive.
Third, the article assumes that all trans guys were “in touch with their feminine side” before they transitioned. Some trans guys are happy to talk about their past bouts with PMS and the horrors of an OB-Gyn annual checkup. Others would rather keel over and die than talk about periods, vaginas, and the like, because to them, these are huge triggers for dysphoria.
Fourth, the author makes a lot of assumptions about how trans men behave during and after transition (like, what if we like our anatomy and don’t use strap-ons? What if we aren’t in touch with ourselves, despite coming out? What if we want to be considered as just guys and not trans guys?).
Instead of making assumptions about trans people, what they’re like, who they want to date, what kind of partner they are, etc., date a trans person for the same reasons you would date any other person: attraction, a desire to grow with someone else, and respect.
It is true that some trans folks are the most empathetic, genuine, loving people I know– the converse is also true. Look for a partner that shares your values, and be open to the idea that they might be trans.